Friday, 27 June 2014

I just don't know

It's been a odd few weeks of ups and downs.

Due to the care company being massively unhelpful as per usual, my weeks has been split into two.
For 3 days whilst my mum is off work i can go about life, kinda, but for the 4 she is at work i am pretty much stuck in my room/bed, watching tv, having none of the freedom having a PA is supposed to offer.

Yeah friends visit, and everyone pops in to chat, but jeez being stuck in a room sucks.

It comes to something when you're excited to go to a meeting about physio because you haven't left the house for 2 weeks.

I do as much as possible in the 3 days my mums off, and it's resulted in some really nice days out, but they are her days off to, and she has her own stuff to do, so i'm stuck in another room watching tv.

It's annoying! I miss just popping to asda when there's no food in the house, that's the whole point of having live in care.

But we are being left with no one, my brother is having to help out massively, which i hate, it's not his job. I only ever want to be his bossy older sister.

Then when we do get care it's not consistent so there's no opportunity for PAs to learn my routine, for me to be able to drop my anxieties so that i can feel comfortable. Its so hard to put all your trust in a stranger.

Then above all that there is no communication, which just makes everything so much more frustrating. People leave, i'm not told, so have no idea who to contact. PAs are put on other assignments 2 days before they are due to come, the office lie about it and try and blame the PAs, so then i have no help for 10 days. When they do call, they phone the house phone which they know i can't answer because i can't walk. The list goes on.

It's sooooo annoying, because then i feel awful for putting all this on my family.

I'm lucky i have those few days/moments to do something, to lift my mood and allow me to feel like i have a life, because it could really get you down if there was nothing, and no escape.

Especially since i've worked so hard with so many of my anxieties, and worked so hard on finding a me i recognise and like.

I'm just grateful to have some amazing family and friends, that do more than they should have to, to be there for me, i could never express just how thankful i am for them.

I just hope it gets sorted soon.


  1. It sounds like a horrible situation :(

  2. {\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252
    {\fonttbl\f0\fnil\fcharset0 ArialMT;}

    \f0\fs26 \cf2 \cb3 \expnd0\expndtw0\kerning0
    \outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 The PA's sound rubbish, having to rely on others sucks especially when those people forget that you want a normal life that doesn't involve having to constantly remind people of what you need. It's ground hog day. Hopefully when you have consistent staff you can get back to doing the things you love. As a country we are so backwards when it comes to equal access and you have a right to it. Your lucky you have great family and friends. If you ever want to escape you know where I am always happy to spend time with a fellow blogger Lucy x

    1. Thanks lovely :)
      I will keep it in mind :) xx

  3. That sucks :( Hopefully you guys can get it all sorted out soon, definitely shouldn't have to be like this by the sounds of it.

  4. To be honest this country is going to the dogs. Fancy calling a phone that they know you can't reach!

    The problem is these days is that people go into care work, because they are told at all these jobfairs and recruitment centres that 'it pays well' and 'it's rewarding work'. Which of course it can be if you're actually interested in the care work to begin with... but then you get all the wrong sorts going into it :( Which, as you have rightly said above, is not fair on you. That is what care workers get paid for, to care for people through their work.

    But anyway, you are doing so incredibly well, just remember that. You are probably worrying far more about your family helping you, than they are to be honest xx I'm sure if it had been the other way around that you would have done exactly the same for them, and I'm sure that they will know that.

    But I know what you mean about anxieties because I suffer from anxiety a lot, and I have had to deal with some pretty strong stuff over the last few years. Whenever there is something that I can't do and need help, I always feel like I am asking for way too much by asking for some help.
    But I also had eating and socialising problems, so sometimes I would just stay on the computer all day for days on end and not eat properly, and I started suffering with cabin-fever like symptoms. So I know what not getting out of the house is like :( So I really hope something comes up for you soon!

    Good things always come to people who wait, and you really do deserve all the support you can get! So lets just keep our fingers crossed that they will get their fingers out and sort something out about your care! *Hugs* Take care!


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