It's been a odd few weeks of ups and downs.
Due to the care company being massively unhelpful as per usual, my weeks has been split into two.
For 3 days whilst my mum is off work i can go about life, kinda, but for the 4 she is at work i am pretty much stuck in my room/bed, watching tv, having none of the freedom having a PA is supposed to offer.
Yeah friends visit, and everyone pops in to chat, but jeez being stuck in a room sucks.
It comes to something when you're excited to go to a meeting about physio because you haven't left the house for 2 weeks.
I do as much as possible in the 3 days my mums off, and it's resulted in some really nice days out, but they are her days off to, and she has her own stuff to do, so i'm stuck in another room watching tv.
It's annoying! I miss just popping to asda when there's no food in the house, that's the whole point of having live in care.
But we are being left with no one, my brother is having to help out massively, which i hate, it's not his job. I only ever want to be his bossy older sister.
Then when we do get care it's not consistent so there's no opportunity for PAs to learn my routine, for me to be able to drop my anxieties so that i can feel comfortable. Its so hard to put all your trust in a stranger.
Then above all that there is no communication, which just makes everything so much more frustrating. People leave, i'm not told, so have no idea who to contact. PAs are put on other assignments 2 days before they are due to come, the office lie about it and try and blame the PAs, so then i have no help for 10 days. When they do call, they phone the house phone which they know i can't answer because i can't walk. The list goes on.
It's sooooo annoying, because then i feel awful for putting all this on my family.
I'm lucky i have those few days/moments to do something, to lift my mood and allow me to feel like i have a life, because it could really get you down if there was nothing, and no escape.
Especially since i've worked so hard with so many of my anxieties, and worked so hard on finding a me i recognise and like.
I'm just grateful to have some amazing family and friends, that do more than they should have to, to be there for me, i could never express just how thankful i am for them.
I just hope it gets sorted soon.