Wednesday, 10 July 2013

That day i felt like...


I have mentioned a couple of times in a few recent posts that i'd have had a few down days.

I haven't necessarily been sad, more fed-up, a lil frustrated and a bit stuck.

I hadn't done anything for what felt like weeks, facebook was full of everyone going out, having fun, being 22, finishing their degrees, moving forward to the next chapter of their life.

And i just felt so left behind

Annoyed that i was so far behind in where i wanted to be, scared that i was going to be left on my own once everyone gets busier jobs. I can't relay on my close friends to be there all the time, they've work, family, other friends.

But i've gone from being someone who can go in a room knowing no one, leaving knowing everyone, to finding it sooo hard to meet anyone knew. The chair, i find, adds this barrier, and it's not that people think badly of you, they seem scared. They don't want to offend you, feel we may have nothing in common, and although that is a fear when approaching anyone, i have this obvious accessory that makes me appear different.

Then i felt rubbish because i always invite everyone everywhere, even if i think it's not there thing, or they can't afford it, the invites there... and although i'm not bothered about not being invited to club nights out, there's times i look/hear of nights/days out, and i'm the only one not there, and i just think i could of gone to that. Obviously there's times when there's just a couple of folk, that would never bother me, i'm not one of those, your my friend, and my friend only, it's when i feel like the only one.

It doesn't happen a lot, and i'm sure it happens with everyone once in awhile, but when you're already feeling a bit meehh, it's just like, thanks for that world.

There's times when family talk about doing things, and everyone gets the 'you should come' 'stay with me for a few weeks' and i get nothing, when it always used to be me, i spent school holidays anywhere but home.

They're moments that are just a big fat reminder that i'm not the same person i was, the wheels do change things.

Of course i know no one is trying to hurt me, they probably don't even realise it bothers me.

It's just scary that when i feel people that know me best can maybe feel a lil awkward sometimes, how would strangers, and at a time when i want to make new friends, so i don't feel like i'm stuck when everyone else is busy, it is just a lil, ahhhh what do i do.

Hence why i just feel stuck

So i talked it out with someone that kinda gets me, which really helped, got some great tips.

And i did what always makes me feel better and made plans with everyone! It took sometime, but i managed to get a date with everyone. Knowing i had those plans made me feel better, and seeing and celebrating with them all, did blow all those clouds away, and made me feel a little silly .

Because i'm lucky that i do have amazing friends and family, that are there, and i know they will always be there.

p.s if this makes no sense, sorry, i just tried to write it how i felt it, and feelings don't always make sense.

4 comments:

  1. I can totally relate to this post. I spend alot of time indoors and im also a fulltime wheelchair user.

    I go on fb and see people getting on with there lives and it makes me sad and left behind.

    good luck with your plans and have fun x

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    1. Thanks, it's always good to know you aren't the only one xx

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  2. I'm glad you came through and made plans with everyone, my only advice would be to tell people that you are feeling left out. If they know, they'll make a more conscious effort to include you in the future :) it's hard, because you feel so sad about it, but they probably don't realise they're doing anything different/wrong xx

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    1. yeah i think writing down everything helped me see that

      i would never think that they would ever knowingly do it, and it is more of a feeling of that should be me sometimes

      thanks hun xx

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