Wednesday, 19 January 2011

A Result, I think ?!?

Excited for the week... famous last words...

Since last Wednesday i have been feeling abit off, and have suspected an infection coming on, so today iv had some swabs taken & i'll find out Monday if my suspicions were right.

But i have been feeling like absolute crap! Sunday i barely slept... i watched bee movie 4 times just in to see if it helped me drift off, which it normally does, but it was not happening. I just kept going from cold sweats, to being boiling, to just cold, i just felt crap! I just about managed to fall asleep but was woken at 6 for college... i think i got 2 and a half hours sleep. So the lack of sleep just made me feel 10 times worse.

I did get to college but i knew if we were watching a film i'd be flat out asleep on the desk, but thankfully we were discussing. But no one turned up to take my notes, so being there was fairly pointless.

After class i was summoned to the head of studies.
Firstly i was told that she didn't appreciate me not turning up for a previous meeting. I got mad straight away. My mum went to one meeting but the woman was unprepared so another meeting was to be arranged, that was the last we heard.
Then she went on about me not phoning in when im absent, I got madder! My mum or a PA phoned in every single time i was off, but messages were never passed on, that was not my fault!
Then she asked what my plans for the future were... I told her next year im taking a year out so that i can work on me, get my head sorted, have intense physio.  A lil white lie, i will be having physio, but i told her that i would have to stay in hospital, this was offered to me but theres no chance im staying in hospital for a hour or 2 of physio a day. Soo ssshhhhh.... :D
Then i said after that i dont know. Before my accident i had my whole life planned. So now i find it so hard to plan ahead, 'cause i just never know whats around the corner. I also dont want to set goals, especially with time frames, and feel that disappointment again if something happens to stop me getting there, its to heartbreaking!
She replied by saying that if i think like that i will drift through life & at 40 wounder what i'v done with my life. I was so mad i couldn't talk. I was just thinking no, no, NO! I will achieve things, i'v re learnt how to feed myself, put on make up, use a computer, a phone, brush my teeth, is that achieving nothing??
I may not have an amazing job in the future, but i WILL be happy & i WILL have achieved a hell of alot!!

I was then told a decision would be made tomorrow...

I now felt crap & stressed, convinced i was getting kicked out, once in bed i just cried.

On Tuesday i went to the meeting, to my shock i can stay, but if i have a unauthorised absence im out! Which is fair enough, but i'v never had one, its their lack of communication, so i will always be on edge!

So for now im in, 5mths left, lets see...

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