Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Confidence

So its snowing. I do love snow but it aint half hard work in a wheelchair. Im nervous enough outdoors in my chair, so the extra hazards of snow & ice dont help. But it does look pretty & my dog loves it.

My pup Starbucks

Another downfall to the weather is this is now day 2 of being snowed, well iced in. The snows not to bad atm, we have about an inch, i say that as i look at the snow blizzard outside. the country roads are very icy as we have been neglected of gritters. My lil tin car nearly falls over if someone sneezes, so its useless in snow & ice. My brothers car did no better he abandoned his a few miles away, and it took my mum a hr and half to get home.

We really do need a new car but deposits go from £0 to £2000 and up. When we got the car all the money we raised and the grants went towards my room & chair so we are still saving. You can get 4x4's now but god knows how much they are.

Iv not gone crazy yet being snowed in, i was snowed in for 2 weeks last year and i did get a slight touch of cabin fever. It probably wouldn't bother to many people, but after spending 6mths in hospital 1. i dont want to waste time and 2. i know how easy it is to become inst... yea i cant spell it, i know how easy it is to become scared of the outdoors.

After leaving hospital it took a lot for me to go any where. I had no confidence. Id get dressed then just sit and cry in my chair and refuse to go anywhere. I was so used to being in a hospital & everyone being the same. I hated that my hair had been chopped off and i just felt ugly, and that i didnt fit in.

I deff still feel like this at times, especially when im going somewhere nice & i want to dress up. I hate that i cant do my hair, my own makeup and that certain clothes dont sit right.

My confidence in myself and in other peoples abilities even more so is defiantly a working progress but il get there.

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