Monday, 20 December 2010

Catheters =s

Another week of ups & downs...

It started great, i finally finished my film cw...A eassy comparing Tim Burtons childhood to the theme of isolation in his films. Im so glad i chose him, his films never get boring. We even managed to get a load of our practical work done! Finally everyone has been turning up, so we could actually film. I was getting so annoyed with ppl never turning up with no consequences, when i got kicked of my other courses.

Then Wednesday came and it was D-day well C-day. Having a spinal injury means i have a catheter.

While i was in hospital instead of just warning me about them and about the care and stuff, they terrified me! I got told that if it gets pulled out it will rip open my bladder & i would get internal bleeding then die.

So now im so paranoid about it, it irritates everyone, but im so scared about it being pulled out!

When it needs changing im just as terrified. I have a panic attack & i cry, i have to have a blanket covering my face, my mum has! to be there & the nurse isnt allowed to talk about whats happening.

A few nurses have suggested i go to the doctor to get something to calm me down, but im not a massive believer in pills, if you dont sort tings out in your head you wont get better.

To be fair i have a good reason to be scared, last yr it got stuck. So I had to go to hospital, after many attempts to get it out, i had to stay over night to wait for a doc. To say id spent 8mth in hospital i was so scared, i felt so vunrable being on a ward, But the staff were great & found me my own room. In the end it had to be lasered out. Since that im always convinced its going to get stuck.

A lot of people are embarrassed by their catheters, im not. I mean i dont flaunt it, but all my friends & family know i have it. We refer to it as my tumor, cuz when my bags full it looks like i have a tumor on my leg.

Because of the change i had to stay in bed, cuz i cant get up cuz im extra paranoid about it being pulled out, so i watched films and ate junk to feel better.

Thursday i got my flu jab and spent the rest of the day with 2 lovely friends, gossipping & eating way to much chinese food! I love days like that, mainly because i love chinese food...and maybe my friends to lol =]

Friday was lovely! I managed to talk my mum in to going to the christmas market. We went for drinks with my aunt first. Then strolled the market and drank mulled wine. It was sooo lovely, but mum ruined it by not letting me go celeb watching in the very posh bar, with a rolls royce, a Bentley ad a Porsche parked outside. But we did spot eli dingle, we didnt recognise him, but as soon as he spoke me & mum looked at each other and both said "thats eli dingle"

I spent my weekend snowed in. Not going mad yet but we shall see...

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